so-and-so

This week I've found myself playing what I will call the "wishing game". Normally I'm not one to really compare myself to other people, or really care about that sort of thing. I don't know if its all these hormones, or the insecurities that come with becoming a mom but HOLY do I ever feel like I have a million weaknesses. I have never felt so exposed. I am less patient and more grouchy... among many other things I will not list - just to preserve a little self esteem ha! The last couple weeks I've been needing some kind of boost, or change, or pick-me-up whatever you want to call it. I know something like that usually needs to happen around the time I start playing the wishing game. I wish this baby weight would melt away like so-and-so , I wish I was more fun like so-and-so, I wish I had cute hair like so-and-so, I wish I was as easy going as so-and-so, I wish I was as talented as so-and-so. Do you see where I'm going with this? Maybe I need to find some less cute/fun/talented/smart/beautiful friends!!!! No, thats not it. It's just reality check time. Time to take a good hard look in the mirror and be grateful for who you are. Time to make a pros and pros list about yourself, because chances are someone's playing the wishing game about you!

Confessions of an Introvert Mom

Some of you may recall a previous post I wrote about discovering that I am an introvert. If you don't know what an introvert is, you can read my post here. Motherhood has been an adjustment for me. To be honest I didn't think it would be as big of an adjustment as it has been. I thought I would just automatically love everything about being a mom, I was born for this kinda stuff. You guys. I have been humbled. I will admit I am very selfish with my time... maybe too selfish. I know my limits when it comes to social activities, church commitments, service... But I could probably bend my rules a little more to accommodate other people (my husband in particular... And now my baby). I NEED time to regenerate, to recharge the old batteries. Some people may think that's silly, or weird or stupid, but its how I work. The first couple months when you are doing late night feeding and feeding all day, every day, it's hard to catch a moment to yourself. Any spare moment I had I was catching up on sleep. (Which by the way does not count as recharging). I missed cooking and baking, my crafts, cleaning, scrapbooking, doing laundry, writing blog posts, taking a bath. I missed those little me-time activities I took for granted before.

A couple weeks after I had Rory I was having a hard time. I was prompted to pick up my phone and read a conference talk before bed, which I'll admit, I hadn't done in a long time. I read a talk entitled "Daughters of God" by M. Russell Ballard from April 2008 General Conference. Some of his words really spoke to me,

"...sisters, find some time for yourself to cultivate your gifts and interests. Pick one or two things that you would like to learn or do that will enrich your life, and make time for them. Water cannot be drawn from an empty well, and if you are not setting aside a little time for what replenishes you, you will have less and less to give to others, even to your children."

What really struck me were his words "pick one or two things"... just ONE or TWO?! How am I to decide.... I just love so many things. But the spirit whispered that I would have to cut back. I would have to sacrifice, and that yes, those hobbies bring me much joy and happiness, but not the kind I will find devoting myself to motherhood. There is a balance between the two.

I do love being a mom. I don't always love that it's a 24.7 job but I'm sure I will grow to love that too. The more time and sacrifice I devote, the more comfortable I feel with all these changes.  Now that Rory is sleeping through the night (for the most part) I make sure to take a bath, to write a blog post or to hang a picture before bed, one little thing I like to do :) I also try and take a little moment to think about all these changes, to ponder how I'm feeling and sort out all these hormones emotions. This has made all the difference. I might need to adjust how much "me-time" I am used to... but in the meantime I am enjoying the journey :)

Nursing

I heard a lot of horror stories about nursing before I had Rory. To make a long nursing history short - it took Rory and I a few weeks to get things under control. He was a great latcher and a great eater but sometimes it hurt when he would first latch and my nipples were bruised. After a trip to the lactation nurse at the health clinic she tweaked a small thing I was doing and shazam! Never hurt again after that. (I know it sucks leaving the house those first couple weeks, but this appointment is a must) She also showed me how to do hands-free nursing with a nursing pillow and WOW that changed my life. Buying a nursing pillow was one of the best things I ever did. I literally take my nursing pillow with me EVERYWHERE. I get teased about it, but my nursing pillow and I are best friends, we are inseparable and thats that.  

I did not enjoy nursing those first few weeks. I felt like it took up my entire day, I was bored, tired, and it drug on and on. They are so slow when they are newborns! Night time feeds were the worst. I wanted to get back to sleep so bad and it made me impatient. I even texted one of my friends who exclusively pumped and bottle-fed her baby and asked her about it, I was desperate. Luckily she told me DONT DO IT, and explained to me how much work it is. She encouraged me to keep doing the breastfeeding and that it would get better. I started watching TV during nursing sessions and that really helped. I know "they" say bond with your baby, its time for you and him to grow close, dont do other activities... but you guys, this was my sanity we were talking about. We watched probably 6 seasons of Friends on netflix that first month. It was relaxing and made the time go by fast. I would even watch in the middle of the night.

Now I love nursing sessions. I think the love started because it was one of the few times in the day Rory wasn't crying haha. I got to put my feet up, turn on some TV, check my phone, eat a snack, close my eyes for a few minutes... it was my recharging time. I also enjoy that bonding time and sometimes I turn everything off and just enjoy a quiet moment with him. And what is it about nursing babies thats just SO cute?! Now Rory is a more productive eater and its only about 15 minutes, so I have mixed feelings about that haha. So to all you future mamas out there hang in there!! It's worth it in the end, as is everything with a new baby.... rough start, but worth it :)