The Truth About Being An Introvert

Hi. My name is Kylie... and I'm an introvert.

This is a topic that has been on my mind for months. I have only recently come to terms with what being an introvert even means. When people asked me if I was an introvert or extrovert I didn't know what to say. I always thought being an introvert meant you liked being a loner. It was always a big joke with me and my other introverted friends. "People want to hang out?" #introvertproblems. "Had an awesome weekend with myself watching Netflix" #introvertheaven.

In High School it was so exciting hanging out with new people, you're full of hormones, starting to date boys and slowly you're becoming an adult. In my first year of YSA I had a new found freedom staying up late, hanging out with boys, doing what I wanted when I wanted. All of a sudden I was burning out. The novelty was starting to wear off, and slowly I started spending more and more weekends alone. I kept thinking "what is wrong with me?" Why did all my friends want to hang out EVERY single night, but I was happy to simply stay home and watch Gilmore Girls with myself? It's not like I wasn't fun, or didn't like my friends. I just happen to enjoy spending a lot of downtime with myself. It got increasingly "worse". At one point I thought, "am I depressed?". When Nick went on his mission I was perfectly content day in and day out to go to work, exercise, make healthy meals and see some of my close friends on occasion. I enjoyed my solitude. I was perfectly happy. People were always encouraging me to stop "hiding out", to get out and "have some fun". Confused, again. Sometimes hanging out in big groups, spending my weekends out all night wasn't fun for me. I enjoy hanging out with friends, in fact, I have some amazing friends! They make me laugh till my sides hurt. They listen to my problems and ask me how I'm doing when life is rough. We talk about life and people and news and ideas. I need friends. But maybe not as much as everyone else. When I get too busy or have too many plans I start to feel anxious and stressed out. I would cancel last minute, or make up excuses. I felt bad about my introversion. Like one of my weaknesses was not wanting to socialize ALL THE TIME. I felt like there was something wrong with me. I'm sure there are some of you reading this who have felt the same way!

When I was in High School my dad had me do an Aptitude Test in California. We did one-on-one testing for 2 days. The lady told me at the end what my natural abilities were. She explained I would find happiness in a career if I was already naturally good at it. Work could be more fulfilling for me if my natural talents and strength were being utilized. I wouldn't have to work so hard to be a certain way for a job. I remember being tested for introversion or extroversion but I didn't care at the time (I mean what does that have to do with your career anyway?) I had my mind set on what I wanted to do already and ignored some of the results. I love my job. Most of you already know that, I talk about it constantly. I love the critical thinking, working with technology, problem solving nature of it. And yet there is a tender, loving and kindness to touch people's lives that I cannot go without either. It is the best of both worlds. I didn't realize how extroverted my job was until I was married. I spend all day talking to people, discussing their problems, making small talk, making jokes, making people laugh - lifting their spirits. We work in teams, consulting each other in every decision (which we need to for patient safety reasons). I need to be ON all day. And then being married and coming home and needing to be ON as well made me really exhausted. Nick would ask "why are you so grumpy when you come home from work? I thought you loved your job?" I didn't feel grumpy though. I was just tired. I didn't feel like talking about my day as soon as I got home, or talking at all. I just wanted a few minutes to turn off, to just sit peacefully and enjoy some silence. I needed to regenerate. But that felt silly, I shouldn't feel that way. Happy people don't need that, they are happy all the time. I must be sucky to live with...

I read on Facebook one day a silly cartoon called "How to interact with the introverted...." http://themetapicture.com/how-to-interact-with-the-introverted/ The hilarious part was I actually found it to be one of the most helpful things I have ever read. I learned SO much about myself from it. I learned that introverts gain energy from spending time alone, and actually expend energy being with people. And that extroverts gain energy from being around people. It's like a little lightbulb went off on in my head and my journey began. I diagnosed myself. I was an introvert. There was nothing wrong with me at all! I was just an introvert living in an extrovert society. I felt guilty about my personality, like society needed me to be a certain way and because I was different it felt wrong.

Let me be clear that there is no right or wrong here. It is not better to be an introvert or an extrovert. They each carry their own set of strengths. We need both introverts and extroverts in homes, businesses, religions, politics and societies. I think by being a little more understanding of one another there is so much to learn and so much success waiting to happen.

I read a book called "Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking" by Susan Cain. She is an introvert, and many of the topics and concepts in her book fascinated me. It was as if she knew the desires and questions of my heart before I did. She explains so powerfully how I feel. She uses history, case studies, research, and peoples experiences to uncover how we have become an extroverted society. She shows us the valuable nature of introverts and that we have something to offer the world too, that our strengths and contributions have been forgotten somewhere down the road. She shares the stories of Craig Newmark (Craig's List), Steve Wozniak (Apple), Moses, Bill Gates, Newton, Rosa Parks, Einstein, Dr. Seuss, the list goes on. She does case studies at Harvard Business School (where 20% of the top three executives at the Fortune 500 companies were Harvard Business School grads between 2004-2006)... ok ok I won't tell you everything in her book, read it yourself. It will be one of them most inspiring books you will ever read. Extroverts should read it too, chances are you will have an introverted child, husband, coworker, student or friend. You will learn much about yourself too. We are all introverts and extroverts in certain ways. No one is really 100% one way.

One of my favorite quotes from Susan Cain's book, "Introverts living under the Extrovert Ideal are like women in a man's world, discounted because of a trait that goes to the core of who they are. Extroversion is an enormously appealing personality style, but we've turned it into an oppressive standard to which most of us feel we must conform."

Music to my soul! Susan has helped me feel entitled to be myself, to learn what my strengths are, and how I can contribute and function in a society that is always pushing for group projects, teams, loud leaders and great personalities.

Confessions of an introvert

• I love going to bed. It's one of my favorite times of the day. There's nothing like slipping into your pajamas after a long day, turning the lights off and snuggling up in the silence that comes with nighttime. Nothing but you and your own thoughts before bed as your drift into dreamland. It's so peaceful and beautiful.

• I love silence. When I was a teenager I was constantly listening to music, every second of the day. But now, I love driving in silence. I can't remember the last time I listened to the radio, probably 4 or 5 years ago. I need time to think. I need time to be still. I don't enjoy white-noise when I'm working, cleaning, or doing menial thinks. My phone is always on silent, I don't need the constant buzz or ding of my phone. I hate answering phone calls. Lots of time I will let my phone go to the answering machine and I will call people back when I have mentally prepared for a conversation. Is that rude? I hope not. Because that's what I need. It's not ignoring people, it's not because I hate people. I just need to do things on my own terms sometimes.

• I love singing. I don't love singing with other people. It's not because I'm snotty or think I'm better than other people. I just don't like coordinating with peoples schedules, I don't like having to work in teams, I like to do things solo. I like worrying about me. I sing things that are important to me, that have a message I can share with people. I don't enjoy performing broadway or musicals or taking on a character. I like being myself, just sharing my truth. I like things simple. 

• I enjoy small groups. Big groups take up a lot of my energy. There is a perception out there that life is better if you have more friends, more weekend plans, if you're always busy doing "fun" things. You instagram and facebook every single "fun" moment you've ever had so people think "wow! their life is so great, they have so much fun". If I did that I would have a whole lot of instagram pictures of me going to bed early, watching tv, making a pan of brownies or cleaning my house... because those things are fun for me and make my life better. My mom is the same way. Let her stay home on a Friday night with a Dr. Pepper and a fuzzy blanket and you've got one happy Mamma Ju. It's the life of an introvert and it's awesome.

The Wedding Day

It's the dreaded wedding day blog that everyone LOVES to read. (haha ya right) But it's nice for me to write it out and put it in my journal - so be warned it will be long. But here's a small taste of what it was like on my end - being the bride and all...

I like to think that I wasn't super high maintenance. I remember my friend Maggie telling me one thing she would have changed on her wedding day were her colors. She picked a really difficult shade of blue to match to and it was hard finding decorations etc. So I picked really easy colors to work with. Navy & Yellow. You can find almost anything in those colors - they're pretty standard. Everyone has been doing the Shabby Chic thing lately, and I love love love how beautiful everything turns out, but I didn't feel like it was quite what I wanted to go for. I don't know when or how this happened but I fell in love with Yellow Polka Dots (pinterest perhaps?) and Lemons. I bought most of my decorations myself, I don't like other people spending money on me.... I went to garage sales every saturday for a month and found christmas lights, frames, vases, lamps, tulle, old scrabble boards with tiles, it was one of my favorite things to do. I got the spray paint out and sprayed absolutely everything. My garage was filling up with all kinds of trinkets.
We decorated the day before. We just piled everything into the middle of the gym and tried to find places for everything. Trickier than it sounds. I didn't really let anybody help me plan so I kind of ended up being the boss telling everybody what I wanted. In hind sight I wish I wasn't so adamant about doing everything by myself - because on the wedding day lots of things went by the wayside because I wasn't always around to play boss. Two of my absolute favorites were there to bring things together - Mamma Jo (Joanne) Koegler and Jessica (Jyles) Koegler. I don't know what I would have done without these two!!!!! Joanne has such a gift for decorating and arranging things, she was our "finisher" and brought everything together!!

The first wedding I ever remember going to was Christie Malmberg's. I was a little girl and remember thinking weddings were so magical. They had a harpist playing and fancy decorations and I got a chocolate box at the end. I have always remembered feeling so special for getting a chocolate box (hilarious right?) And ever since then I have had my heart set on chocolate box favors. So when my mom asked me what the ONE thing I had my heart set on for my wedding was, I told her chocolates! My mom was like "okaaaaaay.... chocolates are a LOT of work...". The Malmbergs have been our closest family friends since FOREVER, and when Jo offered to make all the chocolates for my wedding I actually cried! The chocolates turned out even yummier and more beautiful than I imagined. They even made a giant fancy box of assorted chocolates for the Bride :)

I wanted my cake to be real, because I absolutely LOVE sweets and I didn't want to spend tons of money on a cake that was made out of cardboard. I had Crazy Cakes in Lethbridge make it (who are very similar to Crave in Calgary - therefore, delicious!!). Polka Dots and Ruffles :) doesn't get much cuter than that. I didn't get to eat any on my wedding day (go figure) but my mom saved us like half the cake and I ate it for weeks it was SO good. The best cake I have ever had. I even froze a piece for our one year mark... but I don't know if it will last that long... :)

The night before the wedding all of my bridesmaids came over to my parents and we painted our nails. It was fun to be with Maggie and Nicole again, I never get to see them, especially Maggie. It was fun to have them all in the same room telling stories and it got me really excited for the next day. Jessica has become obsessed (thats right I said it!) with painting nails recently and so I had her paint my nails and toes - she did an amazing job!! I can't stand the feeling of fake nails so it worked out perfect :)

Jessica slept over at my house. We shaved our legs and did all that girly stuff before bed. We were both so tired we went right to sleep. 2 of my other bridesmaids Darby (my sister) and Sharee (maid of honor/cousin) came over in the morning and the 4 of us all got ready together. The nice thing about getting married last of all your friends is that you get to do all the things you loved about their weddings. I loved that at Sharee's wedding we all got ready together and ate breakfast together - so my Aunt Barb (Thank goodness for Barb!!!) came over and made us all waffles with all the fixings. Barb and Sharee would do absolutely anything for me to make my day special. I was starting to get some butterflies of excitement so I didn't eat very much. It was weird still to think it was my WEDDING DAY!

My sister Tiffany is a makeup artist and hair stylist so I was hoping she would be able to do my hair & makeup. I have LOVED every time she has done my makeup and didn't think I would be able to do half as good of a job However, I ended up doing it myself because she would be driving from BC the morning of. I have quite a bit of makeup (I love love my Mac Makeup) but I've never done the whole fake eye-lashes, lip liner, foundation thing. I'm kind of a mascara, eye shadow, blush girl. So the girls at Shoppers helped me pick out some Elizabeth Arden foundation (and showed me how to put it on... haha) and a lip liner and gloss. It was quite the experiment on the wedding day! But I was so happy with how it all turned out. I wanted my hair to be out of my face so I didn't have to worry about curls falling out, or the wind blowing it in my face. I also prefer my hair up - I think my hair down makes my face look fatter (one of those things no one else will understand haha). I didn't bother practicing because my hair never turns out the same way twice. It was one of the only things I was nervous about the night before. I had trouble sleeping because I was nervous my hair would turn out bad!! So I woke up and started pinning like a mad women. And I think it turned out just fine :) The eyelashes were a whole other story. First timer over here! I was using all kinds of tweezers and tools I could find to get them on and once I finally did my maid of honor, Sharee, goes "you put them on backwards". Awesome. So I peeled them off and started again.

I drove to the temple with my parents and met Nick there. When we met up outside the temple I was trying my hardest not to cry. I had to really focus hard so the tears wouldn't start - I didn't want to wreck my makeup! For the next hour before the ceremony anytime I thought about what was happening in a matter of minutes I would start to tear up. Focus!! My Great Uncle Keith was our temple sealer so him and my Great Aunt Marlene were so kind and helped Nick and I the whole morning. When it came time for us to get married we walked in the room and I knew I was a goner if I looked at anybody. While Uncle Keith was talking I stared directly at him, holding on to every word he was saying. Focusing really really hard so the tears wouldn't come. Because it was a flood gate back there!! I have never listened so hard in my life. As we kneeled across from each other I found out looking at Nick would bring on some major tears too, so Uncle Keith got some major stare-downs the whole time. It was so special hugging everyone after - I did let a few tears slip out then :) Having all of my favorite people in one room for our special day. It was kind of magical :)

Nick and I got a little grumpy and REALLY tired half way through the day and had to re-coop before the reception where we got a second wind. I actually really loved the receiving line and talking to people. It was so fun seeing everybody and I even cried a few times at some people who showed up and made long trips to see us. I have some really amazing friends and family. One of my favorite parts of the reception was my little niece Pepper who is 3 year old. She kept coming up and "visiting" me in the receiving line. "Aunty Kylie you look like a real Cinderella!" She would bring her sisters and cousins with her to show them my dress or my shoes or just to give me hugs, she would budge through all the people and I was always happy to give her my full attention.

The only thing I regretted was singing at my own wedding. I never wanted to, but I thought I would surprise Nick. You're so tired and exhausted, then nervous on top of that, not too mention emotional = NOT A GOOD IDEA. But Nick loved it anyways.

After a very long and exhausting day it was so nice to just pack up desserts to go (since I didn't get to eat anything all night!!) and get in the car and drive away. Our amazing friends and family cleaned and took down everything and I didn't have to worry one bit about it. I love them all for it!! We got to the hotel and it was decorated with real rose petals and the largest honeymoon basket I've ever seen!! The fridge was stocked full of drinks and food which was perfect because we were STARVING! And we packed up the rest of the food in the morning to take on the road with us to Calgary and on our flight.

My wedding day was NOTHING like I thought it would be. But it was one of the best days of my life. It's way different being the bride and groom than you think it will be. And looking back I don't remember much other than my handsome grooms face and the feeling of all my friends/family in the temple. Which I think are the most important memories anyways :)

I know you have all probably seen these photos a million times. But for those of you who are married you understand how precious your wedding photos are to you. You look them over a thousand times. Sometimes I go through my album just for fun, and relive every moment. Meghan Maxwell Photography did my wedding photos, I have always loved her work. When she moved to Arizona I was so sad!! I didn't know who else I would get, I've always had my heart set on her doing them. When I found out she comes to Southern Alberta to shoot still I was SO happy. She was so amazing to work with. Nick HATES getting his photo taken and she made him feel comfortable and got him to smile too! I loved every single one of them :)