Are You My Mother?

Hello blog world, it has been a while. I've felt kind of blah the last little bit with nothing really to write about. In honour of eating like a triple king size kit kat cookies and cream chocolate bar (wow thats a mouthful) today lets sit down and get real.

My plan in life has always been to be a stay-at-home mom. My mom was a stay-at-home mom to 7 kids and I loved having her home anytime I needed her. I walked home every lunch hour from school and ate lunch with my brothers and sisters. At the end of the day my mom was always at home to greet us. That's what I've wanted for my kids too,  At this point in time (financially) I will not be able to stay home with Rory. I will be returning to work for 3 days of the week which will be enough income for us to get by with Nick still finishing school. It has actually been an amazing blessing to cut my hours down at work. I work in a very small clinic and part-time positions are extremely hard to come by. I'm so grateful that everything has worked out the way it has, I really feel like God is watching over me and listens to my prayers.

The mom world is a small world, especially now with social media. Sometimes it's a little too competitive or judgemental for my liking but maybe it's all in my head. Being a mom is hard enough without having to defend your choices to work outside the home, how you parent, your kid's bedtime, nutrition and the list goes on for dayssss.

I don't know if I'm sensitive about going back to work, or worried people are going to think I'm a bad mom for sending my kid to daycare... or that they're a better mom than me because they stay home 7 days a week. Truth is, I don't feel guilty one bit. I don't have an option to stay home full-time so I have decided to accept and enjoy what our situation is. I will get to see my friends ahem, coworkers, a couple times a week, see patients that I love and get some adult time in. I think Rory will enjoy it too! He loves playing with other kids and he will get to do fun crafts, play outside, and get some special attention.

All of these things going around and around in my mind day after day has had me trying really hard to focus on my family and stop judging whats going on around me. I know we don't mean to make silent judgments about other peoples' lives or families but lets get real, we do. I know I do. I've been really trying these last couple weeks to be sensitive to what I'm thinking or saying to people (and might I add SOOOO not perfect at this). If a mom decides to work outside the home good for her, if a mom decides to stay home good for her. If you put your kid to bed early good for you, if your kid stays up later good for you. If you let your kid eat sugar good for you, if your kid doesn't good for you.

Nick and I know what works for our family, for our kids and for our marriage. And you know what? other parents know what works for their family. So anytime I catch myself making silent judgments or silent suggestions I try and remember I'm not their mother. Shocking to think that their mother (and father) would actually know them better than me (insert hysterical laughter here). We are all different and we are all doing the best we can. So cheers to all you hard working parents out there! Just do you! I hope I'm one of your cheerleaders and not a spectator barking you orders or whispering criticism to others on the sidelines.

Lately

Making: vintage Dr Pepper signs

Drinking: homemade dirty diet cokes
Reading: Blog posts
Wanting: Joanna Gaines to come knock every wall down in my house
Looking: For a buffalo plaid Tshirt scarf
Savoring: coconut macadamia nut chocolates  

Wasting: time watching TV
Enjoying: all this free time I have with Rory actually taking naps and sleeping at night
Waiting: for the new episode of the Bachelor... I cannot even handle waiting a week
Craving: Sushi
Wondering: how I'm going to parent my kids in this crazy world
Loving: Cheesecake
Hoping: for some nice weather to go on some walks
Needing: some serious one-on-one time with Nick
Marvelling: At how slow some days go by, but how fast the months do

Smelling: cupcake candles
Wearing: Some weird in between maternity and pre-pregnancy clothes
Watching: The Bachelor, Ellen, GMA, FABlife, Modern Family

Following: Justin Bieber again on Instagram. Him and Selena are meant to be together
Noticing: how long my hair is getting
Knowing: everything will work out
Thinking: way too much at bedtime
Feeling: anxious about going back to work in the summer
Pinning: weight watchers recipes
Giggling: at everything Rory does

Mexico Getaway

I have never been to an all-inclusive resort before and neither has Nick, so we were really excited for our trip this Winter! I was ready for a break from work and from the snow. We went over reading week because Nick had time off school. I ended up choosing Cabo solely because it was a direct flight from Calgary (we aren't huge travelling fans - more vacation fans :) It was fun just the two of us, but next time we hope to go with some friends! We'd love to go on another cruise... **hint hint** anyone want to come?!

Travel

Because Nick is so tall airplane rides can be tough, his legs are always super cramped and he ends up sitting like a grasshopper and taking up my leg room!! So we invested in Westjet's special seating, you pay an extra $45 dollar per person and you are upgraded to the first 3 rows of the plane. The leg room is very spacious and you get all the sandwiches & snacks that you want for free from their menu. Plus you are the first ones off the plane, TOTALLY worth it. Although he doesn't look it in the picture he was extremely happy about the upgrade :) Now that he's experienced such luxury we will never fly without it again...

Hanging out at the pool

It was huge! Fun swim up bar, everyone was so baffled why I would order virgin drinks, I eventually told one of the waiters I was pregnant so he'd get off my back!

Beach Time

loved playing in the waves and building sandcastles. I've never seen Nick's attention span last so long! I learned a lot from our last beach experience and I wasn't letting Nick get sunburned this time. 45 SPF sunscreen the whole trip! Did we get a tan? Barely... But better safe than sorry says the Cancer Clinic worker!

Whale Watching

this was the one thing I wanted to splurge on for the trip. I've heard so many amazing things about the whale watching in Cabo this time of year. We hopped on a little boat and headed out to the ocean in search of whales. I enjoyed just relaxing in the sun waiting for them to surface for air. They are so huge! It was amazing to see them in their natural habitat. We even got to see some baby whales! We sat in the front of the boat and when we would speed across the water it was like being on a tube ride! Our sunglasses acted like goggles and we got splashed in the face all afternoon

Look at this bed head!! I left him like this most mornings so I could go hit up the pool and start my sun bathing!

Entertainment

It was fun to have built-in dates every night. We would go out for dinner and then hit up the big show that was going on at the resort. The dancers and costumes were amazing! And the decorations and theme changed every night. It was so awesome to be sitting outside all night without a jacket! Such a nice break from the snow back in Canada...

These Things Can Never Die

These Things Can Never Die

Charles Dickens

The pure, the bright, the beautiful

That stirred our hearts in youth,
The impulses to wordless prayer,

The streams of love and truth,

The longing after something lost,

The spirit's yearning cry.

The striving after better hopes;

These things can never die.

The timid hand stretched forth to aid

A sister in her need,

A kindly word in grief's dark hour

That proves a friend indeed;

The plea for mercy softly breathed,

When justice threatens high.

The sorrow of a contrite heart;

These things shall never die.

Let nothing pass, for every hand

Must find some work to do,

Lose not a chance to waken love;

Be firm and just and true.

So shall a light that cannot fade

Beam on thee from on high,

And angel voices say to thee,

These things can never die.

I watched a Planet Earth documentary with my niece Pepper, who is 3. We watched a Polar Bear's life, how their whole lives they are trying to find food, trying to survive. We watched this Polar Bear grow up, learn to hunt, we grew to love him. But then we had to watch him struggle for food and eventually die. Huge crocodile tears rolled down little Pepper's face and she sobbed for this poor Polar Bear. "Why can't the Polar Bear find food? He is going to die without food". I didn't think we'd have to explain death to a 3 year old from a simple Planet Earth documentary. We explained Heavenly Father's plan for us on earth, that we are all supposed to die and when we do we go back to live with Heavenly Father, that's why he made earth.

My perception of death has changed since working in a cancer clinic. It's a lot more real than it ever has been. Everyone asks me if its depressing working in a cancer clinic. It's not.

I've had family, friends and patients pass on, but although they are not here physically, their words, testimonies, experiences and works live on. I have assimilated them into my own character and testimony. They live on in the life that I now live. They will never die. And every once-in-a-while I stop and think, what will I leave behind?

I want people to remember me as a good friend, to remember that I loved my Book of Mormon. I want people to remember that I loved my husband, that I always spoke highly of people, that I built people up, not tear them down. I want people to remember my testimony, because I shared it with words and without words. This is who I want to become.

I'm so grateful for good people that have sowed and will sow good seeds in my life. Most of them are small caring acts as Charles Dickens' poem states. A helping hand, wordless prayer, hope, a kind word, a simple testimony. And although we all will, these things will never die.

Sick Days

Nick and I both got sick over the holidays with yucky colds. I had to stay home from work on the 31st my throat was so sore (so much for our New Years Eve plans...). So for 2 straight days we laid on the couch in our pajamas and watched TV (it sounds kind of glorious... and it kind of was :) New Years Eve consisted of sparkling juice and Pizza Hut Pizza, we barely made it to midnight but we toasted to a beautiful year and to finally being together. Since our honeymoon we haven't been able to spend a lot of time together just the two of us, just a night here or there. Most of the time we are with family or friends or busy with school/work. So it was really fun to have 2 whole days to be alone. Even though we were sick, they were two of the funnest days we've spent together in a long time. We watched both Despicable Me movies and almost a whole season of Modern Family. We laughed and laughed and laughed. I can tell when Nick is really happy because he always makes me cuddle with him and he squeezes me so tight I think my eyes are going to pop out. He gets this wildly happy look on his face and hugs and hugs and hugs telling me how happy he is, how beautiful I am, and how much he loves me over and over again.. What girl doesn't love that? Maybe being sick isn't so bad after all...

Thank You 2013

2011 + 2012 were really tough years for me. They tested my faith, my health, my patience & my heart. I kept thinking "come on Heavenly Father I'm doing everything right here, reading my scriptures, saying my prayers, serving in the church, going to church....I don't deserve any of this" But things never lightened up. Where were the blessings I was promised? Finally I was blessed with 2013, it will always be one of the most special years of my life.

Highlights of 2013
- paid off my car
- Nick finished his mission (reunited after 2 years apart :)
- got a permanent job with Alberta Health Services
- got engaged
- bought a house
- went through the Calgary Temple to take out my endowments
- got married in the temple to the love of my life!

"For after much tribulation come the blessings" (D&C 58:2-4)