Confessions of a FTM (first time mom)

You guys. I have been wanting to write like 20 different blog posts since I've had Rory. So many things have been on my mind. In the wee hours of the morning when Rory and I are up, I practically write the whole post out in my head. So this post will be all of them combined, because frankly I only feel like using up 1 nap time to do this. Here it goes....

Confessions

-I was a bad friend to new moms before I had Rory. I am apologizing right here, right now to all my friends who had baby(ies) before me. I should have brought you a meal, I should have offered to let you take a nap, or clean your bathroom, or do your dishes. I wish I hadn't stayed so dang long thinking it was a pleasure for you to have me. I had no idea. Ignorance is bliss, that's all I know. Bless every single soul that brought us a meal those first few weeks. I know Nick appreciated them too. I barely had time to myself to go to the bathroom let alone be in the kitchen preparing a meal. Those meals kept us going.

 

 

-Bad mom syndrome. I'm sure I'm not the only one who suffers from this. Anything that goes wrong is my fault. Rory is too skinny, my milk supply is low, he is sensitive to dairy... all my fault. Nick is always rubbing my back telling me how great of a mom I am. Rory is lucky to have me. Things will get better, things will sort themselves out. I know this deep down, but the second something goes wrong that bad mom syndrome kicks into full swing. Bless Nick's heart for genuinely asking me how I am doing every day. I am fine all day until he asks me those words. So I just cry and tell him it's been hard. Even if it was pretty great! It's still hard. And he still asks. Even though he knows there will be tears to pay.

-Other FTMs. Thank goodness for friends with new babies. There's something about talking to another FTM who is/was going through what you are. They sympathize. They listen. They don't tell you what you should be doing or pretend to know your baby better than you do. They share their trial and errors, they share their weaknesses, they are vulnerable with you. They're not preachy or trying to be too helpful. They have been one of my biggest helps this first month.

These are what I like to call The 3 Stages of a FTM. At least... these were my stages.

1. Honeymoon stage. (Week 1) First time having a baby. You meet your perfect little piece of heaven and you fall madly in love. Even though your life is turned upside down and things are changed forever you don't even notice. You are completely and utterly in love. Nothing matters but them. Everything that happens is wonderful, every diaper change, every middle of the night cry, every little body ache or pain, it's all absolutely perfect. Life simply could not be better.

2. Survival mode. (Week 2-3) The honeymoon stage is over people. The love remains but reality has hit. The sleepless nights are starting to take a toll, nap when he naps?? I don't think so. Rory can't lift his head up but surely he will roll over and die or smother himself with something while I am peacefully sleeping. I can hear every single breath in the bassinet while I'm trying to fall asleep. I keep checking on him. Still alive. So finally I started wearing an ear plug. Just 1. Enough to drown out the breathing but I can still hear him fussing. Mom isn't at my side 24.7 anymore. We are a little more on our own. Those meals are starting to slow down, we are running out of groceries. I guess we will live off of yogurt tubes and ichiban for today. Laundry? forget about it. Start rotating through those pajama pants again. Showers? Wasn't great at those beforehand but man I would kill for one every day. That gross milk smell is doing no one a favor.

 

3. This is my new life (week 4+) We are starting to venture out of the house a little more. Doctor appointments, the occasional trip to Grandma and Grandpas. A quick diaper run to shoppers. He's not quite so much of a china doll, you sleep more soundly at night. Baby is taking more consistent naps, there's time to make a sandwich or get dinner started. You recognize those cries better. He's hungry. He's sleepy, He's gassy. You start to speak their language. He doesn't cry every diaper change or every time you have to change their clothes. He is getting used to this world.

Don't get me wrong this is the best thing that has ever happened to us. There are nights I just sit and cry a few tears because I feel so lucky to be Rory's mom. We love him more than we could have imagined. I wouldn't trade motherhood for anything, I love being tied down to this little man. Sometimes isn't it good to just look back on things and laugh a little bit? I'm sure Heavenly Father got more than a few good chuckles watching me this last month trying to play mom. We love our little slice of heaven and can't wait for more crazy adventures ahead!