The talk that changed my marriage, before it even started

Have you ever had one of those moments where truth touches you so deeply that you get that anxious and nauseous feeling like you're going to burst? I think of the Grinch who's heart grew 3 sizes and I swear mine is pounding so hard that it is growing larger by the minute. There are so many words to say and ways to say them.

I have been reminiscing over the past year as Nick and I's first anniversary is coming up. A thought came to my mind at work today, it was a whisper reminding me of a talk that I had read a few years ago. It is one of my favorites. It changed the course of my life. I would not be the person I am now if I had not read it and tried to live the principles contained in it. My marriage would not be as strong as it is today if Elder Holland had not taught these principles to me years before I got married. Many lessons that might have been learned the hard way this first year of marriage have been avoided because of Elder Holland's warnings.

I printed it off and read it again. It's funny how words you've read a hundred times, words you know so well... you forget. When you read them again you get that same feeling you did the first time. This talk is a must for every relationship - boyfriend/girlfriend, fiances, spouses, it is a good reminder of how we should treat each other.

It's a BYU Devotional by Jeffrey R. Holland entitled "How do I love thee?" from February 15, 2000.

Here is the link:
http://speeches.byu.edu/?act=viewitem&id=326

Never in any other time or circumstance in my life have I understood more about charity than in marriage. I have never felt or exercised Christ-like love more than in my marriage. There is unlimited patience, kindness, selflessness and ability in charity. It is a love I wish I could exercise in absolutely every relationship I have, but it is easiest to exercise with my husband, Nick. I love him more deeply than I knew there was capacity for in this tender little heart of mine.

If you're ready for God to show you your (not your spouses... ) weaknesses in your marriage it's time to read this talk, even the strongest marriages can become a little stronger :)

Ether 12:27
And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.

My favorite quotes from Elder Holland's talk
- Think the best of each other, especially of those you say you love. Assume the good and doubt the bad.

- Most problems in love and marriage ultimately start with selfishness

- There are lots of limitations in all of us that we hope our sweethearts will overlook. I suppose no one is as handsome or as beautiful as he or she wishes, or as brilliant in school or as witty in speech or as wealthy as we would like, but in a world of varied talents and fortunes that we can't always command, I think that makes even more attractive the qualities we can command-such qualities as thoughtfulness, patience, a kind word, a true delight in the accomplishment of another. These cost us nothing, and they can mean everything to the one who receives them.

- In a dating and courtship relationship, I would not have you spend five minutes with someone who belittles you, who is constantly critical of you, who is cruel at your expense and may even call it humor. Life is tough enough without having the person who is supposed to love you leading the assault on your self-esteem, your sense of dignity, your confidence, and your joy. In this person's care you deserve to feel physically safe and emotionally secure.

- Temper tantrums are not cute even in children; they are despicable in adults, especially adults who are supposed to love each other. We are too easily provoked; we are too inclined to think that our partner meant to hurt us-meant to do us evil, so to speak; and in defensive or jealous response we too often rejoice when we see them make a mistake and find them in a fault. Let's show some discipline on this one. Act a little more maturely. Bite your tongue if you have to.

- No one ought to have to face such trials alone. We can endure almost anything if we have someone at our side who truly loves us, who is easing the burden and lightening the load.

- [Charity] is there through thick and thin. It endures through sunshine and shadow, through darkest sorrow and on into the light. It never fails. So Christ loved us, and that is how He hoped we would love each other.

-You want capability, safety, and security in dating and romance, in married life and eternity? Be a true disciple of Jesus. Be a genuine, committed, word-and-deed Latter-day Saint. Believe that your faith has everything to do with your romance, because it does.