Lately

Making: vintage Dr Pepper signs

Drinking: homemade dirty diet cokes
Reading: Blog posts
Wanting: Joanna Gaines to come knock every wall down in my house
Looking: For a buffalo plaid Tshirt scarf
Savoring: coconut macadamia nut chocolates  

Wasting: time watching TV
Enjoying: all this free time I have with Rory actually taking naps and sleeping at night
Waiting: for the new episode of the Bachelor... I cannot even handle waiting a week
Craving: Sushi
Wondering: how I'm going to parent my kids in this crazy world
Loving: Cheesecake
Hoping: for some nice weather to go on some walks
Needing: some serious one-on-one time with Nick
Marvelling: At how slow some days go by, but how fast the months do

Smelling: cupcake candles
Wearing: Some weird in between maternity and pre-pregnancy clothes
Watching: The Bachelor, Ellen, GMA, FABlife, Modern Family

Following: Justin Bieber again on Instagram. Him and Selena are meant to be together
Noticing: how long my hair is getting
Knowing: everything will work out
Thinking: way too much at bedtime
Feeling: anxious about going back to work in the summer
Pinning: weight watchers recipes
Giggling: at everything Rory does

Baby its Cold Outside - A Baby Shower

I feel like it has been baby showers galore in my life recently! Most of them being mine (haha), but this special baby shower was for my sister-in-law Alanna who is due in a couple weeks! We are so excited for Rory to have a boy cousin to grow up with! Can't wait to welcome Baby Lutz into the world we could not be happier for Nate and Lana! Since baby is coming in the middle of Winter Alisha and I threw her a "Baby its Cold Outside" shower. It turned out pretty fun :) I got to practice my handlettering too!

Confessions of a not-so-good-with-babies person

These last 2 months have been hard. I know you're all probably sick of hearing me talk about my struggles, especially since I know a lot of people would trade me places in a heartbeat. To be fair I wouldn't want to trade places with anyone. I am happy with where we are in life and starting our family and the joy that comes with being a mother. This is more just about my personality, and how me and babies... sometimes we just don't do well together.

I've never been a baby person. Kid person, yes! Baby person, no. I think mostly because I've always felt babies have had the upper hand on me. They're so finicky and I have never known enough about them to feel confident. (Double edged sword). I was terrified to hold other people's babies, and although they are tiny and cute, I liked enjoying them from a distance.

I became an Aunt when I was a teenager, and slowly (11 nieces and nephews later...) babies have crept their way into my heart. Albeit they went right back to mom and dad when they started to cry. I was told I would love my own babies, and that I would know what to do with my own baby. Which is partially true... but these last 6 months have proven that to be somewhat of a lie.

Maybe you're reading this and cannot relate in the slightest. You're probably a baby whisperer, aren't ya. Well if you're more like me (controlling, scheduled, never try anything new unless you're good at it right away, Type A, predictable...) then maybe it took you a little while to sort this baby thing out too. This is what I had to learn the hard way...

1. Know your stuff. 
If you want to be successful at something, don't just wing it. Don't just assume you'll know what to do, especially if you're not around babies much. There's no shame in needing to do research and make up a game plan. Ask your mom, your friends, your sisters, be vulnerable, ask questions. A couple of my friends suggested this book to me. I should have read it BEFORE Rory was born. Reading it while you try and sort out life and problems is not ideal. Once I put Rory on some sort of routine I was able to anticipate his needs and feel more confident with what I was doing. We did the EASY routine. Eat, Activity, Sleep, You-time. Good gracious how much easier it was to know what the heck he was crying about

That was all well and great, you feel confident and then we hit his tummy trouble, then we hit 4 month sleep regression, then we hit the holidays.... etc etc. It's hard not to feel overwhelmed with everything you can find on the internet, but picking a few resources you trust and others have found successful was what helped me weed out what to use. Another amazing resource in regards to sleep training, bedtime, schedules for difference ages, and any curveballs that show up as your baby grows was this blog (she is a Certified Infant & Child Sleep Consultant).

2. You don't need to prove anything to anyone.
Once I got Rory onto a routine I felt confident, he was sleeping GREAT, I was sleeping great. But what about going out with friends and doing things socially? I felt nervous about doing things out of routine, going places, having Rory stay up late, but I tried to tell myself I could be an easy-going mom. What a good mom I was (looked) that I could drag Rory around as I pleased, and we could still function and sleep great. I started making it all about me. And slowly but surely over the last 2 months his routine was flushed down the toilet, and so has our family's sleep. So here we are, 6 months old, sleep training my poor sad baby who is literally tired ALL DAY and ALL NIGHT because his poor little body has been living an adult lifestyle. Listen to your baby. Rory needs a routine to get in good naps, to get a good nights sleep, to be happy. It's time I started working around HIM and not the other way around. And if that makes me a crazy Type A mom, so be it! 

so-and-so

This week I've found myself playing what I will call the "wishing game". Normally I'm not one to really compare myself to other people, or really care about that sort of thing. I don't know if its all these hormones, or the insecurities that come with becoming a mom but HOLY do I ever feel like I have a million weaknesses. I have never felt so exposed. I am less patient and more grouchy... among many other things I will not list - just to preserve a little self esteem ha! The last couple weeks I've been needing some kind of boost, or change, or pick-me-up whatever you want to call it. I know something like that usually needs to happen around the time I start playing the wishing game. I wish this baby weight would melt away like so-and-so , I wish I was more fun like so-and-so, I wish I had cute hair like so-and-so, I wish I was as easy going as so-and-so, I wish I was as talented as so-and-so. Do you see where I'm going with this? Maybe I need to find some less cute/fun/talented/smart/beautiful friends!!!! No, thats not it. It's just reality check time. Time to take a good hard look in the mirror and be grateful for who you are. Time to make a pros and pros list about yourself, because chances are someone's playing the wishing game about you!

Confessions of an Introvert Mom

Some of you may recall a previous post I wrote about discovering that I am an introvert. If you don't know what an introvert is, you can read my post here. Motherhood has been an adjustment for me. To be honest I didn't think it would be as big of an adjustment as it has been. I thought I would just automatically love everything about being a mom, I was born for this kinda stuff. You guys. I have been humbled. I will admit I am very selfish with my time... maybe too selfish. I know my limits when it comes to social activities, church commitments, service... But I could probably bend my rules a little more to accommodate other people (my husband in particular... And now my baby). I NEED time to regenerate, to recharge the old batteries. Some people may think that's silly, or weird or stupid, but its how I work. The first couple months when you are doing late night feeding and feeding all day, every day, it's hard to catch a moment to yourself. Any spare moment I had I was catching up on sleep. (Which by the way does not count as recharging). I missed cooking and baking, my crafts, cleaning, scrapbooking, doing laundry, writing blog posts, taking a bath. I missed those little me-time activities I took for granted before.

A couple weeks after I had Rory I was having a hard time. I was prompted to pick up my phone and read a conference talk before bed, which I'll admit, I hadn't done in a long time. I read a talk entitled "Daughters of God" by M. Russell Ballard from April 2008 General Conference. Some of his words really spoke to me,

"...sisters, find some time for yourself to cultivate your gifts and interests. Pick one or two things that you would like to learn or do that will enrich your life, and make time for them. Water cannot be drawn from an empty well, and if you are not setting aside a little time for what replenishes you, you will have less and less to give to others, even to your children."

What really struck me were his words "pick one or two things"... just ONE or TWO?! How am I to decide.... I just love so many things. But the spirit whispered that I would have to cut back. I would have to sacrifice, and that yes, those hobbies bring me much joy and happiness, but not the kind I will find devoting myself to motherhood. There is a balance between the two.

I do love being a mom. I don't always love that it's a 24.7 job but I'm sure I will grow to love that too. The more time and sacrifice I devote, the more comfortable I feel with all these changes.  Now that Rory is sleeping through the night (for the most part) I make sure to take a bath, to write a blog post or to hang a picture before bed, one little thing I like to do :) I also try and take a little moment to think about all these changes, to ponder how I'm feeling and sort out all these hormones emotions. This has made all the difference. I might need to adjust how much "me-time" I am used to... but in the meantime I am enjoying the journey :)

Nursing

I heard a lot of horror stories about nursing before I had Rory. To make a long nursing history short - it took Rory and I a few weeks to get things under control. He was a great latcher and a great eater but sometimes it hurt when he would first latch and my nipples were bruised. After a trip to the lactation nurse at the health clinic she tweaked a small thing I was doing and shazam! Never hurt again after that. (I know it sucks leaving the house those first couple weeks, but this appointment is a must) She also showed me how to do hands-free nursing with a nursing pillow and WOW that changed my life. Buying a nursing pillow was one of the best things I ever did. I literally take my nursing pillow with me EVERYWHERE. I get teased about it, but my nursing pillow and I are best friends, we are inseparable and thats that.  

I did not enjoy nursing those first few weeks. I felt like it took up my entire day, I was bored, tired, and it drug on and on. They are so slow when they are newborns! Night time feeds were the worst. I wanted to get back to sleep so bad and it made me impatient. I even texted one of my friends who exclusively pumped and bottle-fed her baby and asked her about it, I was desperate. Luckily she told me DONT DO IT, and explained to me how much work it is. She encouraged me to keep doing the breastfeeding and that it would get better. I started watching TV during nursing sessions and that really helped. I know "they" say bond with your baby, its time for you and him to grow close, dont do other activities... but you guys, this was my sanity we were talking about. We watched probably 6 seasons of Friends on netflix that first month. It was relaxing and made the time go by fast. I would even watch in the middle of the night.

Now I love nursing sessions. I think the love started because it was one of the few times in the day Rory wasn't crying haha. I got to put my feet up, turn on some TV, check my phone, eat a snack, close my eyes for a few minutes... it was my recharging time. I also enjoy that bonding time and sometimes I turn everything off and just enjoy a quiet moment with him. And what is it about nursing babies thats just SO cute?! Now Rory is a more productive eater and its only about 15 minutes, so I have mixed feelings about that haha. So to all you future mamas out there hang in there!! It's worth it in the end, as is everything with a new baby.... rough start, but worth it :)

Coping with Colic

Colic... Do we even really know what that means?? It's kind of a blanket term. It's the rule of 3's. Your baby has episodes of crying for more than 3 hours a day, 3 days a week, for 3 weeks. (And your baby is healthy otherwise)

Rory is a very gassy baby. He has been since around 3ish weeks. Have you ever had gas pain?? It's uncomfortable and sometimes painful. Imagine a tiny new baby in his new body dealing with gas pain. It involves a lot of sad cries and is sad to listen to. Between Rory's cries and mine we have had a few rough days to say the least.

We have tried everything. Trust me. Probiotics, dairy-free diet, bicycle kicks, elevation after eating, burping between feeds, kolik water, ovol, gripe water, pressure on the stomach, warm baths, tummy massage, essential oils... The list goes on. I've just come to the conclusion this is my life, correction, this is OUR life. Hopefully soon his GI tract will mature and my happy baby will be here to stay...

If you listen to the rule of 3's it doesn't require your baby to be crying 24 hours a day 7 days a week. Rory is a great sleeper at night, he usually sleeps around 8 hours straight. (Which I am sooo grateful for) You've probably seen him happy, smiley and content, and I'm sure some have thought "she is out to lunch" when I mention Rory is fussy. However, those hours of the week we rock, bounce, pat the bum, pump the legs, and basically stand on our heads, are enough to make me tired, grouchy and sad. But there's no one to blame, or be frustrated at, he's just a poor baby with a painful GI tract. It's not his fault, it's not mine. So we trudge on. We relish the good days where we get through with only an episode or two of being fussy. We cherish the smiles and the cooing, squacking and talking when things are good.

Here are a few tips I have found have helped me with a colicky baby. Keep in mind that I have only ONE child and some of these are probably harder for moms with multiple children. Most of these are just a reminder to myself how to cope.

Do something nice for someone else It sounds silly but it really does take your mind off your own problems. Time is limited with having a new baby but just a small act of kindness will help you stop feeling sorry for yourself. Text a friend, drop off a treat, compliment your husband... Small or great I promise it will help!

Remember it's OK to be frustrated I have terrible mom guilt. I feel frustrated with Rory and then feel bad for feeling frustrated. It's not his fault, he's just a baby. Then I feel bad because he's in pain and I should be sweet and caring. Well its hard to be sweet and caring all the time... This leads me to my next 2 tips...

Ask for help I am the worst for this. It's hard for me to even ask Nick to help. I feel guilty, he is so busy with school it makes me feel bad for asking him. Here's a tip. Don't feel bad. Nick has been happy to give me a break, even if just for an hour so I can take a bath or run to the grocery store by myself. Tip number two - often times people don't know you need help unless you ASK. It's amazing how often we forget that people can't read our minds!

Take a break Similar to ask for help, however this specifically entails you taking a break from baby. If Rory has had a few bad days in a row I start becoming a ticking time bomb with tears ready to explode at any moment. The problem is I get all worried leaving him with someone else. No one knows what works best like I do... But you NEED the rejuvenation. Even if he cries the whole time they will be fine! You do it all day! Someone else can do it for an hour.

Do something small to feel productive Part of my stress is that I get nothing done. He has a hard time napping because he wakes up every few minutes with gas pain. There are days I have held him his whole nap because he is sooo tired but just can't catch a wink! Do something small to feel productive. Wipe the counters, tidy the bathroom, brush your teeth, take out the garbage. You'd be surprised what a few small tasks can do to make you feel better!

Get out of the house

I know it's scary, especially if it's a bad colicky day, but both of you need to get out of the house and take your mind off things. One time Rory cried so much I finally put him in his carseat and went for a walk. He sucked on his soother the whole time and just stared at me. I think he was happy to get his mind off things too.